drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
