it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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