Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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