how can u be prego again
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
