you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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