I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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