then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
