I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She bit a glass in half.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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