Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
