why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
