Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
