she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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