I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
