last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
