Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
