Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
