at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
