I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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