apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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