how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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