i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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