So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
