Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
