my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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