is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
