She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
