I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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