So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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