dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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