I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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