My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
