these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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