omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
