I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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