i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
