Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
