thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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