5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think I am morally bankrupt
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
