I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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