she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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