I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
