when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
