at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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