dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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