Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
