im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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