Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
