Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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