You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
