I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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