STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
