Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
