I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
