First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
